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[Jump to tributes by Anne Cadman-Walker and Rachel Halterman]
Mary Youry 1924 - 1996
SEEKERS CHURCH
A Christian Community
In the Tradition of Church of the Saviour
And so I saw full surely that before ever God made us, God loved us. And this love was never quenched nor ever shall be. And in this love God has done all God's works and has made all things profitable to us, and in this love our life is everlasting.
Julian of Norwich
Kyrie, Mass in G major Franz Schubert
Be Thou My Vision Hymnal, 451
Psalm 139: 1 - 11 Barbara Moore Jubilee Church
Amazing Grace
1 Corinthians 15: 35-38, 42-44, 53-55 Ron Arms Seekers Church
O God, Our Help in Ages Past Hymnal, 117
Revelation 21: 1-4 Dottie Bockstiegel Potter's House Church
Abide With Me Hymnal, 700
Romans 8: 18, 38 - 39 Psalm 90
By Anne Cadman-Walker 10/19/96
Mary Youry was both a friend and journalism colleague of mine. We met in 1957 -- and into the 1960s,we worked on the Northern Virginia SUN, a daily in Arlington, VA. Then it was new, ambitious, thriving -hoping to be a competitor to the Washington Post. When -- it was finally sold, not able to compete with the Post on advertising revenue, these early editors went on to either top positions in the U.S. govt. or became noted national Journalists.
In 1957, Mary was the Women's Editor of the SUN. She had come from an Alexandria newspaper -- I believe the Gazette. The best way I can pay tribute to Mary is to look into a Journal -- or Notebook -- I kept and read you my informal notes. (Would you believe, I actually put my hands on a Journal written in those years?!) Helen Dewar and Marianne Means were there at the SUN and one of my Teen writers, Judy Mann. Here's what I wrote:
Dec. 5, 1957:
It seems incredible, that after all these pages of dissatisfaction and longing, I should now be HAPPY.
Life is very full -- overly full -- and still has its problems. Now, however the problem is trying to balance my family life with my job life, but HAPPY I am.
I'm almost afraid to write that for feat that I may have to leave this jobs or my relationships might change.
But here -- where I've dared to be fairly honest -- I'll say that NOW, on Dec. 5, 1957-I am HAPPY. (1957 is the year George and I joined CofS)
My job is that of Teen Editor on the Northern Virginia Sun. I am still an apprentice -- learning every day to cope with a position for which I've had very little training. But I love the job with all its hazards, bad days, uncertainties and pressure -- a pressure to fight, sweat, learn, give and deal with others on news stories and features.
Jan. 3, 1958
One of the most interesting and heart-warming facets of my job is my relationship with Mary Youry. She is, on first meeting, very different from the suburban ladies I have known. My children -- I am afraid - find her brusque and grumpy. George says she cultivates a "Talullah Bankhead personality."
Undoubtedly, she has fears and defenses. She is temperamental. For these reasons, she is hard to get along with. It takes all my love and understanding to put up with her prima donna temperament.
And yet, I count her as a friend. A friend, somehow it seems because of a glimpse of agopea love combined with philea love (a working together bond). I count it as a blessing that I can love someone who fails to measure up to my superficial standards of social acceptability.
The newspaper the glue which holds us together. Mary is a newspaperwoman down to her fingernails. Newspapering is the medium in which she is at her best; and, in the office, I admire her ability to operate journalistically...
Yet she is very personal and that is part of her magnetic charm. People fascinate her, and those who can accept her as she is are fascinated in return.
Mary has been forcing me to stand on my own feet -- journalistically. This has been hard to take but salutary. In the last two days I have started to hold my own -- that is, handle my Teen News -- including make-up, copy and headlines by myself -- with no direction or consulting.
I give Mary a great thank you for having initially carried me along, trained me to be meticulous, and, finally, forced me to "go it alone."
This is what she what she has done for me -- and there is nor way I can ever repay or thank her. If I ever become a top writer, editor, or Journalist, the credit will be hers-plus my willingness to learn.
Not only is Mary warm and magnetic, but she has insight, brilliance, quickness and perspicacity. She is an excellent companion, a good listener, good at give-and-take. She has a good sense of humor -- and is lots of fun.
Were I to write a prayer now, I would ask that God come into each of our lives, hers and mine. I would pray that Mary can find deeper happiness and inner peace; and that I can do the same. That each of us would be able to start and end each day with the prayer, "Thy will -- not mine -- be done."
Jan. 10, 1958
On this day, I have experienced the satisfaction of a job well done (The Senate Page story) with recognition by Publisher Clayton Fritchey. I took the occasion to tell Clayton of the tremendous effort and time put in by the Women's Section of the SUN -- that is by both Mary Youry and Marianne Means, Asst. Women's Editor. My Teen Editorship was a separate page -- or section.
Then, I went to Mary's for Lunch. There we had a most relaxing, quiet time in a peaceful, well-ordered home environment. I enjoyed meeting Mary's mother and father and the maid, Suzi, and seeing all the pictures of Mary's family. While there, a wave of nostalgia broke over me. I seemed to be back into my own childhood -- my home; and hearing, in retrospect, the sound of children's voices, the slamming of screen doors, the soft hum of a summer night, the shouts and silences as we played hide and seek; dogs wore barking, cars shifting into gear ... the whole evening recaught in a spell of timelessness
April 25. 1958:
Mary has had her operation. (She had left the SUN -- I think in the earlier part of 1958 -- partly for the operation; but she had a disagreement with another SUN editor; Clayton sided with the other SUN editor -- and the upshot: Mary left the SUN.)
During the operation and also in Mary's convalescent, I remained her faithful friend. At one point I asked her to come to Gordon's church some Sunday when she was feeling better. "We don't see so much of each other now, but I hope to keep in touch over the years ahead.
And NOW, in 1996 and following, through many memories, I'll keep in touch.
Rachel Halterman
October 19, 1996
It occurs to me that Mary wouldn't have the vaguest idea of what I would say at her funeral, nor could I guess at what she might have said at mine. I suppose that's indicative of how guarded we both were.
I first met Mary in 1991 when I came to Seekers. We developed an immediate banter and always delighted in trying to outdo one another. We went to lunch several times and I often gave her rides home from church. When I joined the Learners and Teachers mission group about a year or so later, I had an opportunity to get to know Mary better.
While we got along pretty well, I know I can't claim to be special among this gathering when I admit that Mary and I also had our differences. But it is ironic to me that it was through one particular confrontation that Mary and I came to understand and appreciate, and to trust each other.
I don't remember the details of this turning point. I just remember that Mary responded to an inconsequential question with totally inappropriate anger. My first reaction was to respond in kind, much as I had in the past. But for some reason this time was different. Somehow I knew this was not the direction to go. Instead I heard myself asking Mary, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Mary's whole demeanor changed. She became soft. Vulnerable. She said yes, something was wrong and she wanted to talk with me about it when we both had some time.
Mary canceled the first two times we scheduled, and the third time I tried to set a date she asked me what it was I wanted to talk about. When I reminded her that it was she who wanted to talk with me, she said she couldn't remember.
I realized then that the moment was gone. But it was a defining moment. And I learned a lot about Mary in the process. By allowing her humanity to show through, Mary reminded me poignantly of what it means to have compassion, and how quickly that can cut through the surface.
Now I rejoice in Mary's release from her physical disabilities and mental pain, and I wish for her eternal peace.