I've always been exploring the meaning of love in community.
One of my discoveries is not that you press people to be loving,
but that you name the glimpses of love that occur.
We should focus on when we see love happening.
Love has many dimensions.
It's the warm affirming feelings of acceptance
and receiving people as they are,
not being unduly judgmental
or trying to form them into a mold we feel is more acceptable.
That is important and more difficult than we think.
Another expression of love in community
is to encourage accountability
for all the dimensions of our lives.
We model this and invite others into it.
Sometimes accountability leads to confrontations,
but this is not the usual or most desirable.
That's why the idea of covenant is a useful thing.
Expecting accountability from others toward me and
expecting that of another
is one of the strongest shapers
of my spiritual journey and understanding of church.
The clarity of covenant is the only way you can contain
the complexity of the different places we are in -
faith life, personal life, what we want from community.
To me accountability is being clear
about what we can expect of each other,
not only in our small groups but in the whole.
There are a lot of tensions in accountability.
How to create a situation that is welcoming to all levels of participation
and also have a core of people responsible and accountable for
creating the whole.
One way to avoid the judging controlling role
and to be more accepting and encouraging
is to try to mirror things to people
so they can see both what they want and
also how their actions are causing division, separation or unhappiness.
So many times Jesus names what he sees
and leaves the person to respond or not respond.
That seems like a more loving way to me.
How do you continue to love a person
if that person chooses not to enter
into a mutually accepting life in community.
We must always be aware of
appropriate boundaries
that need to guide our expressions of love.
Part of the definition of love comes back
to really wanting for each person
the fullness and wholeness that is possible for them,
that they have a full sense of themselves
and seek to live out of that in positive ways,
but they must want this for themselves also.
To say that I love a person does not always mean
I feel warm but I do care
that that person's life is as whole as it can be.
Listening to each other,
not in a perfunctory way,
but always assuming there is something fresh and new
to be heard that will hopefully take you
deeper into what it means to be church with each other -
this is another expression of love.
This takes a lot of intentionality.
People have to be very desirous of this and pursue it.
It does not happen casually.
I believe these understandings about love
carry over into love for the whole
as well as individuals and small groups.
It troubles me when our differences develop into
a critical spirit that fosters a "we/they" attitude.
A better way is to see these differences as another approach or view
that can be woven into a greater whole
without devaluing the insight we might have to offer.
This can produce a "we" stance
in creating our
life together.